It's all about balance

I have blogged for two years now come this March.

As I write this post, I am cramming for my finals. It's the last leg of my polytechnic life, and it's one of the hardest. Once the finals are done, I will graduate and either enter the working world, or go to university. I am not sure which option I'll choose.

If working's the answer

I will be able to start paying my parents back for all that they have given me. It'll be the first step in a long journey, one that I am anxious to start.

If university's the answer

given that I am accepted, I will have to take a loan to gain more knowledge. And the paying back will start a little later.

But me, I'm greedy. I want the best of both worlds. To further my studies, and pay back my parents at the same time. And if I choose the full-time working, part-time studying route, I'll have to learn how to manage my time.

Balance.

It's the same case with blogging while studying. People do this well, seemingly effortless. People, not me. So what I tend to do is to blog while attending tutorials. Multi-tasking.

Balance. It's effective.

Ever since I was a little kid and my parents gave me an original fairy tale collection book printed in golden ink, I've wanted to be an author. See my name printed on a book. Not in a book as a case study. I want that golden ink saying my name.

Lately, there's been some talk about book bloggers who are aspiring authors. They say those two can't be together.

Since I don't want to end up like Romeo and Juliet during THE END, I'll have to find a way to make things work.

As a book blogger, I write negative reviews.

I gush about books I love. I like to dissect books into tiny little pieces and figure out how those parts work together until they lay there limp in my hand and I have to get another copy.

That first part might hurt my chances. If I want to continue book blogging and voicing out my honest (i.e. negative) opinions, it might lessen my chances of getting an agent, the agent, or being published. The key word is 'might', not 'will'.

If I want to be an author, it's better to focus on writing. As I have no significant impact on the literary world, it's better to keep mum rather than talk about other books unless it's in a positive light.

You see the dilemma.

How negative is too negative? How can we efficiently promote books and talk about books we love, without giving examples of books that didn't work for us? Without losing the trust of our readers or seeming like a hypocrite? Isn't this stifling our rights as a reader? Is having a 'pseudonym' a viable answer?

And the most important question of all... Are we overanalysing the situation?

There are some great book bloggers who have stopped doing so to pursue writing. And while I'm sad to see them go, I understand their point of view.

There are also some who have saved their negative reviews in drafts and instead focused on the things learnt from books that they did not like. Again, I understand their point of view.

The line is thin, and I'm not sure how to blur it. I don't know if it can be blurred.

What I do know is that I love the literary world. The stories, the books, the authors, the agents, the publishers, the contests and especially the book bloggers. Because they have inspired me to look deeper than the surface of the book and see what it is that makes it special.

What I will do is what I have been doing, but definitely with more caution: talk about books honestly and find out what worked and didn't work for me, and what I can learn from it. All the while bearing in mind that I should not do to others what I don't want to be done to me. Isn't that what they've been telling us since the dawn of time? Writing is my first love, and I will work hard and continue on improving my writing skills. If it's meant to be, I'll be a published author.

If not, there's still that job and degree right?

So here's to the best! Don't despair, everyone! In the words of Mika, "Relax, take it easy."